


This is self indulgent bullshit, take it or leave it

by Argent_the_Gay



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-06-21 02:44:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argent_the_Gay/pseuds/Argent_the_Gay
Summary: I wanted Ranmaru being soft and I decided to make the reader a trans guy fuck you you can personally fight me





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I haven't updated my vampire fic in a while, been busy and this is sorta to cope with stress. It's 1:30am right now please save me.

Your evening was as usual, though you rarely ever cooked. Your boyfriend enjoyed cooking for you, and you simply couldn't live up to how good he is at it, but ultimately it  _ is _ the thought that counts most.

 

Said boyfriend closed the door to the apartment softly, as though he were trying to hide himself. He wasn't very good at it, but you indulged him and continued cooking.

 

“How's the best man in the world?” Ranmaru asked smoothly, wrapping his arms around your middle. He rested his cheek against the side of your head, almost like he were watching what you were doing.

 

You smiled, leaning against him just a bit and finding instant comfort in the warmth he offered. “I don't know, how are you today?” You respond to him, tilting your head just enough to look at him.

 

“ _ I'm  _ doing great, especially now that I can do this-” he pressed a soft kiss to your lips, letting the feeling linger a moment before he pulled back again, “but I was asking how you were. You don't cook unless it's to get your mind off of something.”

 

Of course he saw through that.

 

“I'm… Fine. I think.” You furrowed your brows a bit, returning to the meal in the skillet. Now that Ranmaru was there, holding you, you couldn't quite place why you were feeling stressed.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ranmaru offered, resting his chin promptly on your shoulder.

 

“I don't know what to talk about.” It was a truthful answer. How had you been so wound up?

 

Ranmaru offered a soft hum in thought before speaking up again. “How were your classes today?”

 

Was this a distraction? “They were normal. One of the online professors cancelled his virtual presentation today; none of the other classes yielded much of anything new, just review before finals.” You nearly laughed when you thought of your Japanese course. “As rough as you seem to like speaking, you've helped me a lot with my fluency.”

 

“That was surely an insult dressed as a compliment.” Ranmaru huffed. “I'm glad for it though. All I really know is my work as an idol, so I wouldn't be much help with everything else.”

 

You offered your own hum this time, deciding the food was done and dividing it out between the two of you before responding. “You're also always busy. I guess I can't say much, my classes take up much of my time these days, since I'm working on my master's degree and all that.” You give him a smile, turn around in his arms and gently offering his plate to him.

 

“None of that has managed to stop me from spending a few hours a day with the one I belong to.” He said in his signature ‘I'm baring my heart to you, please don't break it’ tone that both melts your own heart and causes it to ache. He reached up but grabbed your left hand instead, bringing it to his lips and pressing the metal that hugged your finger into the flesh. It was difficult to hide your chuckle.

 

The two of your took your usual seats at the table and Ranmaru began to talk about his day, as he usually does. He mentioned some of the boys from STARISH: Ren and Masato and the filming project they recently started, a song he and Otoya are composing for an upcoming event, as well as an autograph signing he had with Tokiya and Natsuki. Then he started his usual complaints on Camus, though it was anything but hostile, and another odd thing Ai had said or done, which was always throwing Ranmaru off his focus, and of course Reiji and his usual antics. You laughed at how well he got along with his band mates, even if they all denied it.

 

“Hey now, don't be like that. Your laugh makes me go soft and where would my reputation be then?” Ranmaru said teasingly, gathering the dishes to wash them and put them away.

 

You chuckled again, “where would your reputation be if your fans knew just how much of a house husband you are?” You shot back, earning a pout from the same man who makes sure all of your clothes are folded properly. You loved it all. “Don't worry, I'll keep that all to myself. Besides, I make you soft no matter what I do.” You joined him at the sink, helping him with the chore as you said this.

 

Ranmaru stole a kiss from you as he reached pass to put away a dish, “and I wouldn't have it any other way.” You grinned happily up at him, pressing another kiss to his lips.

 

After finishing with the chores, you both silently agreed on couch cuddles, easily situating yourself with your head rested on his chest. 

 

“Are you comfortable like this? You haven't taken your binder off yet; you said it gets painful after wearing it for too long and I don't want you getting hurt.” He asked after a few moments, before you had enough time to settle in.

 

It was a nice reminder, and effective, you hadn't even noticed the sting until Ranmaru mentioned it to you. “I guess I have had it on for most of the day, give me a bit and I'll take it off.” He gave a ‘take your time’ motion with his hands as you got up again, making quite time of replacing your binder with a significantly better-feeling sports bra.

 

“Still the most amazing man I've seen in the world,” Ranmaru muttered, eyes half-closed with one arm resting lazily behind his head. He wore a gentle smile and it was so nice hearing him remind you of how much he loved you for who you were; you couldn't help the soft flush that colored your cheeks as you fitted yourself against your boyfriend’s side once more.

 

“I love you,” you muttered, slipping into English for a moment. The flutter your heart felt as Ranmaru immediately echoed the words to you - also in English, though clearly accented - was welcome. You nuzzled deeper into his chest, letting Ranmaru envelop you in the love and comfort and validation you've always craved. The darker thoughts in your mind, the ones that made an appearance from time to time, might remind you that it took moving to Japan for you to receive such things; the warmth Ranmaru offered you and the calm of his breathing and heartbeat snuffed them out far too quickly for you to remember them.


	2. More soft bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't intending to write more when I posted the first one but uhh, here ya go

You woke up early for once, before Ranmaru had the chance to stir. It was rare, but still pleasing. His arm held you tight against his bare chest, letting you bask in his heat and listen to the beat of his heart. It was almost enough to ease you back into dreamland.

 

“Mornin' babe.” Ranmaru said in a soft but rough voice, “you're awake early.” He opened his eyes more, the double grey a bit different from the usual false-heterochromia he donned and his hair flat instead of spiked. You couldn't help slipping your fingers through the soft silver locks.

 

Ranmaru closed his eyes again as you mussed his already bedridden hair, humming pleasantly. “I just woke up, so you weren't far behind.” You offer him as you continue to stroke his hair, nearly pulling a purr from his throat. “To be honest I don't want to leave the bed yet,” you added, letting your hand rest gently against Ranmaru's cheek.

 

Ranmaru groaned a bit, still waking up, and moved his head just a bit to press his lips to your palm. “That's fine, I don't want to either.” He moved again, leaning in to press his lips to yours in a chaste kiss. “How's the bruising, by the way? You were gone before I left and didn't get back until after I finished work yesterday, it must have hurt, right?” He inquired, reaching around with his arm to touch your back gently, watching as you jerked just the slightest bit in pain.

 

You sighed softly, not able to hide anything from him, “yeah, I'm still a bit sore. It's alright though, we aren't going anywhere today, so I'll be able to let it heal.” You snuggled a bit closer to your boyfriend and he brushed his own fingers through your hair this time.

 

“If you're sure, but I'll still treat you to a nice bath in a bit, help you relax.” Ranmaru kissed your forehead, “just don't go thinking yourself into a bad place. That brain of yours is a hellscape and if I have to sing the demons out of it I will.”

 

You couldn't help the faint blush that reached your cheeks as you listened to your boyfriend's words. He knew well enough how you dragged yourself down, even more so when your body didn't match how you felt. The dysphoria wasn't too bad this morning, but it was still there, and Ranmaru knew it would always nag at you no matter what. Still, he stood beside you and comforted you, gave you a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Sure he was rough around the edges, but nobody is perfect, what mattered was that he loved you and made sure you knew that.

 

“Now don't go getting too soft on me, I won't be able to stop myself.” Ranmaru teased, pressing a soft, loving kiss to your lips, pulling a giggle from you. It was easy to forget your dysphoria when your boyfriend gave you so many great things to remember. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's funnier because this started with a smut prompt and got completely fucking derailed and I regret Nothing


	3. Oops I did it again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranmaru wasn't home and you were left alone with your thoughts. Spoiler: that's not a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, a THIRD part
> 
> Ngl this is turning into a bit of vent bullshit but hey, if people like it then I guess it's fine

Being left alone with your own thoughts could be a good thing. Being left with your own thoughts  _ was _ a good thing… If you didn't have anxiety, depression and general self-hatred to top it off. Such things you were used to dealing with by now, letting it run it's course with some tears here and another torn stress ball there and a broken nail or two.

 

Since moving in with Ranmaru it had been easier, for the most part. He was loud enough to make you forget your thoughts but still gentle and reassuring to keep them at bay. He was… Grounding, to say the least. Always listening to you when you didn't even understand what you were saying. Sometimes you'd end up code-switching and his struggle to follow between the languages was generally enough to both slow you down and release some of the tension you'd been holding within yourself, if only because his confused expression was always adorable.

 

Today, however, Ranmaru wasn't home. He wouldn't be back until morning. You knew this was coming and he was adamant on canceling the overnight stay to be back at around one in the morning, but you talked him out of it somehow. Still, as ghosts you thought you escaped chew at your thoughts, you can't help but wish you hadn't talked him into staying. Wished he was beside you, whispering encouraging affections into your ear as you were lulled to sleep in his arms.

 

Alas, you were on your own. You hugged your arms around your knees as you sat on the couch, pulling them closer despite the bite of the fabric that had begun to make breathing difficult. You didn't want to remove the binder. Didn't want to even see your own body. The faint voice of your mother cheerfully boasting about how beautiful her  _ daughter _ looked with  _ her _ hair cut short. She never liked the short hair. It was for appearances. She needed to be seen as loving, after all.

 

You heard the voice of your father join into your thoughts, screaming how he wasn't calling you anything but the name  _ he _ had given you, that it was  _ disrespectful _ of you to change that name. It was a stupid name anyway, one you could have gotten from some cheesy romance novel. At least the name you chose for yourself fit who you were as a person. That's what mattered. Right…?

  
  


Before the demons in your mind thought to corrupt that rhetorical question, you heard your phone ringing with Ranmaru's familiar lyrics that he made specifically for you to know it was him. It was a blessing words couldn't describe as you scrambled to answer the call just to be rewarded with your boyfriend sighing almost in relief when you answered, doing your best to hide the fact that you've been crying, despite your hoarse voice.

 

“ _ Hey, are you doing alright? _ ” Ranmaru asked, something seeming to rustle in the background, faintly.

 

You take a second to breathe, hoping your voice doesn't give you away. “Y-yeah, I'm alright.”

 

“ _ You don't sound too ‘alright' to me. And what's with the English? _ ”

 

You panic a bit, realizing just how far you must have been in your own nightmares that you didn't even keep track of your languages. Before you can try to give some kind of explanation though, Ranmaru speaks up again, “ _ it's alright, but hey, can you open the door? This bag is a bit heavy _ .” Both startled and confused by his statement, you went to the door to your shared apartment and looked through the peephole, just to see Ranmaru standing there in the same clothes he had left with, his backpack, and another bag that you couldn't quite make out.

 

Opening the door, you pause, so many emotions whirling through you that you aren't sure how to look or what to say. You want to be angry, because he came home sooner than he was supposed to, but happy that he was there, open to comforting you. “Y-you were supposed to stay though…” You manage in a soft voice, crossing your arms in defiance but also almost as a way to keep yourself grounded without leaping onto your boyfriend.

 

Ranmaru looked like he wanted to be smug, but instead reached up and wiped a stray tear away, “and you were crying again. I'm not going to leave you alone like this, especially not when it's technically your birthday.” He said, using his free hand to hold up the gift bag with a bit of a sheepish smile.

 

The simple touch of his hand on your cheek was enough for tears to start rolling again, and you couldn't help but bury yourself into Ranmaru's chest, letting him embrace you and ran a soothing hand through your hair.

 

As you began to calm down again, he spoke up, “we can talk about it if you want, but you know I won't force you to. Let's get inside though, I want to unpack a bit.” The two of you still didn't separate for a few heartbeats, Ranmaru allowing you to move first just to make sure you were actually calm.

 

After putting Ranmaru's stuff away and setting the gift aside for later, the two of you firmly found yourselves planted on the couch with exactly what you had wished for. Granted, those small whispers weren't quite enough this time. You had to let some stuff off of your mind before it killed you.

 

“Ran…” You sat up, sighing tiredly. “I… You love me for who I am, right?” It was stupid to say the least, but a genuine question.

 

Ranmaru, of course, looks beyond the surface words. “I love  _ you _ . The man I met on the street before a concert, not even realizing I was an idol. The man who came to an entirely foreign place to be himself. The man who chose me, a mosaic of multiple shattered glass hearts.” His voice was soft, but strong. It reminded you of when he first sang Be Proud to you when it was written, how he bared his heart so genuinely. It was reserved for moments like these, not even his fans see this much of him. You couldn't help the tears as they resurfaced, only to be caught by his thumb. “I don't care what parts you have, I don't care what the people you knew say to you. I only care about  _ who _ you are and who you want to be. And I support you, no matter what.” He smiled, moving your chin to make sure you were looking at you.

 

You whispered a shaky “I love you” and he returned it, adding your name, the one  _ you _ chose, before pressing soft butterfly kiss to your lips to remind you of how much he loves you for who you are, no matter your differences or your flaws, because none of that matters.


End file.
